STOP THAT and WAYWT? Serious Spring

      Rarely do I ever offer direct admonition. It's not something that I feel like I can do very well. And rarely do I ever feel like I'm in a position in which my opinion really matters, but I can't just let this one go.

     Urban Outfitters has decided it was necessary to re-create the Alain Mikli custom numbers that Kanye had made. Say what you want about him, but Kanye has swagger in spades and can rock those shades, even if they're a ridiculous idea. But to do them in these obnoxious colors for people who believe that "nu-rave" is a real thing? I think I've already seen a few floating around the campus (which is ridiculous the moment you stop and think about it) and i only worry that it might get worse. I refuse to provide a link, lest I aid in Urban Outfitters pushing more of these unsightly things into innocent people's hands.

     Urban Outfitters, stop that. Stop that right now.

     On a lighter note, the day was lighter.

(Zara shirt, random cashmere scarf, Opening Ceremony jeans, thrifted leather lace-ups)

     It was a good day for rolled panted. I wish I had some cropped trousers for this outfit and a better shirt, but hopefully Connie will be bringing back some nice bright shirts for me, which just requires that I buy some nice cropped khaki pants. Maybe it's time for some brown boat shoes? Or some other variant of loafer?

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Art of Darkness

     I saw this ad for an online design competition being sponsored by American Express and run by Glam over at Connie's and decided to just snoop a little. Lord was I in for a shock. The majority of these are ugly as sin. Not just because some of these folks clearly aren't fashion illustrators—that's an understandable result of a competition open to anyone and everyone—my problem is that these folks are the semifinalists. I thought about just leaving it at that, but I seriously have to go through these one by one and rip them apart.

     Monique decided to take inspiration from a "candle from the Bahamas". Well, this explains why this is a big, hot mess. I think this girl just decided to throw on as many ideas that she associated with "pretty dress" onto one sketch. Plunging neck? Check. Asymmetrical back strap? Check. Low-cut back? Check. Contrast color star? Check. Oh please. Maybe instead of taking "time out of her classes", she needs to focus a bit more.

     "Elaborate"? "Eco-minded"? What is that little thing running down the middle? A bib? Well, you might be throwing up all over yourself if you're wearing this, so I can understand the need. And I bet a ton of people voted for her just because she claimed that this was "made from bamboo". Pssh. I'm from the Bay, girl. I know some real sustainable clothing lines and none of them look this bad/boring/bad. And can we talk about those ridiculous feet? I understand that it's hard to draw shoes, but anybody with a real eye can see that Alexandra still clearly endorses the idea of bound feet, which I don't think is very fashion forward.

      I appreciated Anne's attempt to distract me from her boring, boring dress with her model's legs. I know how far a good pair of stems will get you, so I understand what she's trying to do here. Unfortunately this does not change the fact that her dress is basically something that you can buy from any of the following establishments: Forever 21, Target, H&M, Charlotte Russe, Wet Seal, et cetera. A draped neckline and high hem do not a hot dress make.

     Too easy. Next.

     Not bad, Carrie, not bad at all. Your appeal to my Kate Moss-centric sensibilities definitely earns you a point or two. Your styling, however, leaves something to be desired. Short skirt? Flapper inspired look? Please, don't hurt yourself stretching. I know it must be difficult. The layered skirt, ruched bodice, and asymmetrical strap/collar create some visual interest. I won't be too hard on Carrie because, unlike so many others, she actually tried.

     Let's get a few things straight. This is about clothes. I don't know how much time you spent drawing your model's face, but more importantly—and you really ought to be taking notes here, Christina—I really don't care. Droopy cowlneck double-knit dress? Gross. And what the fuck is that on the dress anyway? Did you just make a screenprint out of a piece of your grandmother's couch? And you added leggings. It's like serving a shitcake with piss frosting and a big bowl of frozen vomit on the side.

     Now Jessica, I know this is going to be hard for you to understand, but I'd like you to follow along with me very, very carefully. I'll say this slowly to make sure that you get everything. There. Is. A. World. Outside. Palo. Alto. I understand that it's hard to envision a place where everyone doesn't have legs that go on for days, where people don't feel the need to tie their hair into a pony-tail and throw it over their shoulder every day, where the median income for a family is actually less than $117, 574 (I know, take a minute with that one, Jessica). But just because you don't know about this world outside doesn't mean it isn't there. So please, don't pillage some Asian culture with your "Kimoyes" dress in an attempt to make a dress that everyone's seen in a million iterations already.

     I never thought we'd get here without me becoming physically ill, but Mary's little number might do the trick. I have been increasing my caloric intake, so this just might be the solution. (I kid, please no angry e-mails. I already eat like a cow. Now get off my nuts.) I think you should try patenting your "triple keyhole neckline", Mary, because I really don't think anyone else has (or ever will) try out that little trick. Did I also mention how deliriously high Mary's model is? And how closely she resembles one of my elementary school teachers? No. Well, she is and she does. Also, the length of her arms may be an indication of knuckle-walking, because Lord knows that my arms don't reach down past my knees.

     Folks, if we work together, we can stop bad fashion from happening to good people. Or, in this case, bad people happening to good fashion. Because then all you're left with is ugly people in ugly dresses making everyone else feeling uncomfortable.

     Also, sorry for the bad Conrad pun. Just couldn't help myself.

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Fuck You, Tibia

     I've got some nasty shit growing out of my shin. And by "growing" I mean, it hurts, is red, swollen, and won't give me any relief. As such, it calls for me actually changing out out pajamas and getting my ass to the doctor's office.

---

Update

5:17 PM

     Behold! It has a name—other than motherfucking hurts like a bitch—folliculitis. Well, not really. But my physician (more like physician's assistant) needed something to put down on my chart. It's basically just an infection underneath my skin that was beginning to form an abscess. Thankfully, antibiotics and hot compresses can reduce the inflammation and stop it from forming any nasty boils. Unthankfully, antibiotics and my intestines never get along. Never.

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That's Fucked Up

    When will the Catholic Church learn to just shut its trap?

     Bernando Álvarez, the bishop of Tenerife in Spain (ironically pictured above with a young boy), recently said that young boys abused by Catholic priests "[t]here are 13 year old adolescents who are under age and who are perfectly in agreement with, and what’s more wanting it, and if you are careless they will even provoke you." Naturally, there are plenty of people in Spain who are plenty ticked off with the good bishop. Of course, his Excellency's PR guys immediately jumped on top of the story, explaining that the bishop would never (openly) condone such morally despicable action.

    I recently heard a story on NPR of a Dominican priest who was shuffled around all over the world, from Peru to Ohio, rather than being properly dealt with by the Catholic Church. The egregious inability (or refusal) by the Vatican to properly address such serious moral and ethical lapses are really telling of some greater problems with the church. I've never been very hostile to Catholicism (at least not anymore than I am most organize religious institutions), but I've got to say that I'm a little frustrated by how much they get away with.

There are plenty of faithful parishioners out there, just as there are plenty of devout and upright priests. But how many regular church-goers have really thought about the $660 million dollars that the Los Angeles Diocese (American's largest, mind you) paid out to its abuse victims. Where, exactly did that cash come from? Hint, be on the watch for the donation plate getting handed out for a second go around. Now, I'm not saying that honest Catholics are funding child abuse, but the higher-ups certainly seem willing to be put hard-working people's money towards less-than-holy purposes.

Slate's breakdown of how the $660 million was raised reveals plenty about the Diocese's inner workings. Basically, it splits up like this:

• ~$250 million = Los Angeles Diocese's own bank accounts
• $60 million = other religious orders under the Catholic Church
• $123 million = litigation with other orders that chose to sit out the settlement

For those of you properly following along with your calculators, that leaves $227 million of the total deal to be paid. And by whom? Insurance companies. That's right, folks, the Los Angeles Diocese, like any other business, can purchase insurance from an insurance company protecting it from a lawsuit. Yes, the Catholic Church purchased sex abuse insurance. And that might be the creepiest part of this whole sordid thing.

(Story and image courtesy of Typically Spanish)

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Hye Ate Us

Due to the lamentable actions of my parents, I have no easy means of accessing the Internet. Well, I do, but only from the computer in the den, which makes private surfing and writing a bit difficult.

We'll figure this out somehow.

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Giving Up

An appropriate image, as Nancy Pelosi and the rest of the Democrats in Congress have really managed to fuck this one up and turn their backs on their gay constituents. The New York Times had a wonderful piece on how the Matthew Shepherd Act failed to even reach the president's desk, despite a House vote of 237-180 and a Senate cloture vote of 60-39.

In answer to Bush's threatened veto, congressional leaders had cleverly attached it to the latest Defense Authorization Bill, which Bush's ideology would not have allowed him to veto. And yet, fearful Democrats unwilling to appear hawkish and staunch Republicans unwilling to appear liberal managed to kill a bill that would have expanded the definition of hate crimes to include all racial, sexual, and religious minorities and provided some measure of federal response to hate crimes.

Now, I haven't spoken much about this (neither on the blog nor in real life), just because I realize hate crimes are a really sticky issue. It's hard to explain to people why hate crimes aren't special laws meant to raise gays up or put social/religious conservatives down. But if the Catholics were being hunted down (either physically or verbally) by those around them, you can bet that they wouldn't stand for it and would demand immediate protections. The Matthew Shepherd Act and other laws like it do not state that gays inherently deserve special laws protecting them. What we really need to focus on is the fact that gays (and other targeted groups) need these laws because of the very real and very imminent danger that extremists pose.

Thus far, I remain unimpressed by the Democrat sweep of the Congress, mostly because they haven't done jack shit to deserve any praise.

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I Shouldn't Say This, But

The following, in relation to this:

Angela: Naomi is pretty though.

Me: A bit like Vanessa Hudgens. But a bit less wholesome. And a bit more personality. And not naked. (pause) Definitely not naked. That's a big difference. (laughs) I'm terrible.

Angela: I KNOW! I KNOW! No, that's what I was thinking of.

Seriously. It's impressive.

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