Monday, December 10, 2007

The Internet Allows for Gross Stupidity

Right now I'm totally lucid and unnecessarily honest.

I found you through Facebook, followed you through Google, and have been silently doing research. You fascinate me, although you obviously are unaware. Angela has told me to be precise and make the necessary accidents happen, but I'm very wary of her advice, mostly because it sounds like something I would say. I definitely find you attractive (why else would I say so?), but I'm completely terrified of engaging you in any way (either directly or obliquely).

Truth be told, I am feeling really powerless and insecure and stupid and obsessive, even though I've spent the last year or two trying to be the exact opposite. And I don't even have anything of substance, which is the most hilarious part. We're connected mostly through willful happenstance (i.e. me poring over Facebook in a random, bored haze) and the circumstances of the Information Age have facilitated this one-sided relationship that I have with the possibility of knowing you.

Really, would you respond if I asked? Would you answer if I called? Would I ever call in the first place? Unlikely, but I feel motivated.

Why can't I be more impressive? Why can't I just sail through the social world and catch your eye? I mean, honestly, I think it would be worth both of our time if we tried to get to know one another. From all signs available, you are smart, well-mannered, eloquent, rationally profound, and just a generally nice person. And you want a relationship. Well, that's the checked boxes talking there. But you don't seem like the kind of person to want something cheap and meaningless that doesn't last past morning.

And damn it, I can make things valuable and meaningful that last as long as I try.

And Angela, you're still erudite and willful. Never forget it.

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Angela said...

I ended up leaving out "erudite". Thought it would sound pretentious, like, if you think you're so learn-ed, why do you want to go to this college?

Just. Make his friends your friends ;)

Vivian said...

Oh, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus... This takes me back to high school. Why couldn't you have written some of my thesis papers? Oh, right... No matter how you dress up econ, it's just not that interesting.