Not what I wore today, but rather a few days ago. Work and errands have been keeping me busy, so I snapped the shot but didn't post the result. The heat has had its desired effect upon my wardrobe and I have shifted to light garments and taken to rolling a sleeve or two every now and then. I'm thinking of perhaps object dying my Zuriicks, since they aren't as dark as I'd like, and I think it'd be cool if they had a slight yellow cast, too. Inspiration comes from both the Margiela dyed high-tops and the Raf ones, but a devoted Zuriick customer made a couple custom dye jobs (all sold out, unfortunately), which is the real impetus behind this daring foray into any experimenting.

     And while it very effectively raises my pant cuffs, summer also has a tendency to lower my attention span and idle dreaming quickly overcomes any other thoughts. Connie's recent score of some Yves Saint Laurent pants (timely, no?) from the 70s is totally Le Smoking, what with the wide leg and the fabulous row of sequins down the outseam. The sequins got me fixated on sparkles and – surprise, surprise – I find myself browsing through Net-A-Porter's sale section. And when I stumbled onto this Burberry Prorsum jumbo paillette top ($1,046.25 on sale from $1,395) I couldn't help but see the same sense of glamour.

     Naturally, I clicked over to Marc by Marc Jacobs and found the same sense of flash (though more subtlety executed) in this double-breasted sheath ($321 from $428). And the item that Net-A-Porter suggested you should "Wear it with"? This oversized cardigan ($299.60 from $428). I'm not sure I necessarily agree with that pairing (and I don't), but I must say that it's a piece that has lots of mature glamour. And so does this Marni patent leather envelope ($797.30 from $1,190). Now somebody go out and get these so I can live vicariously through you.

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Art of Darkness

     I saw this ad for an online design competition being sponsored by American Express and run by Glam over at Connie's and decided to just snoop a little. Lord was I in for a shock. The majority of these are ugly as sin. Not just because some of these folks clearly aren't fashion illustrators—that's an understandable result of a competition open to anyone and everyone—my problem is that these folks are the semifinalists. I thought about just leaving it at that, but I seriously have to go through these one by one and rip them apart.

     Monique decided to take inspiration from a "candle from the Bahamas". Well, this explains why this is a big, hot mess. I think this girl just decided to throw on as many ideas that she associated with "pretty dress" onto one sketch. Plunging neck? Check. Asymmetrical back strap? Check. Low-cut back? Check. Contrast color star? Check. Oh please. Maybe instead of taking "time out of her classes", she needs to focus a bit more.

     "Elaborate"? "Eco-minded"? What is that little thing running down the middle? A bib? Well, you might be throwing up all over yourself if you're wearing this, so I can understand the need. And I bet a ton of people voted for her just because she claimed that this was "made from bamboo". Pssh. I'm from the Bay, girl. I know some real sustainable clothing lines and none of them look this bad/boring/bad. And can we talk about those ridiculous feet? I understand that it's hard to draw shoes, but anybody with a real eye can see that Alexandra still clearly endorses the idea of bound feet, which I don't think is very fashion forward.

      I appreciated Anne's attempt to distract me from her boring, boring dress with her model's legs. I know how far a good pair of stems will get you, so I understand what she's trying to do here. Unfortunately this does not change the fact that her dress is basically something that you can buy from any of the following establishments: Forever 21, Target, H&M, Charlotte Russe, Wet Seal, et cetera. A draped neckline and high hem do not a hot dress make.

     Too easy. Next.

     Not bad, Carrie, not bad at all. Your appeal to my Kate Moss-centric sensibilities definitely earns you a point or two. Your styling, however, leaves something to be desired. Short skirt? Flapper inspired look? Please, don't hurt yourself stretching. I know it must be difficult. The layered skirt, ruched bodice, and asymmetrical strap/collar create some visual interest. I won't be too hard on Carrie because, unlike so many others, she actually tried.

     Let's get a few things straight. This is about clothes. I don't know how much time you spent drawing your model's face, but more importantly—and you really ought to be taking notes here, Christina—I really don't care. Droopy cowlneck double-knit dress? Gross. And what the fuck is that on the dress anyway? Did you just make a screenprint out of a piece of your grandmother's couch? And you added leggings. It's like serving a shitcake with piss frosting and a big bowl of frozen vomit on the side.

     Now Jessica, I know this is going to be hard for you to understand, but I'd like you to follow along with me very, very carefully. I'll say this slowly to make sure that you get everything. There. Is. A. World. Outside. Palo. Alto. I understand that it's hard to envision a place where everyone doesn't have legs that go on for days, where people don't feel the need to tie their hair into a pony-tail and throw it over their shoulder every day, where the median income for a family is actually less than $117, 574 (I know, take a minute with that one, Jessica). But just because you don't know about this world outside doesn't mean it isn't there. So please, don't pillage some Asian culture with your "Kimoyes" dress in an attempt to make a dress that everyone's seen in a million iterations already.

     I never thought we'd get here without me becoming physically ill, but Mary's little number might do the trick. I have been increasing my caloric intake, so this just might be the solution. (I kid, please no angry e-mails. I already eat like a cow. Now get off my nuts.) I think you should try patenting your "triple keyhole neckline", Mary, because I really don't think anyone else has (or ever will) try out that little trick. Did I also mention how deliriously high Mary's model is? And how closely she resembles one of my elementary school teachers? No. Well, she is and she does. Also, the length of her arms may be an indication of knuckle-walking, because Lord knows that my arms don't reach down past my knees.

     Folks, if we work together, we can stop bad fashion from happening to good people. Or, in this case, bad people happening to good fashion. Because then all you're left with is ugly people in ugly dresses making everyone else feeling uncomfortable.

     Also, sorry for the bad Conrad pun. Just couldn't help myself.

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Seeing Red

     The SAG awards passed and you know what that means:

     Red carpet, bitches.

     Do I love everyone in beading and crystals? No. But does Christina Applegate look divine in this Elie Saab number? Absolutely. The hair is just right, pulled back and effortless, but still very polished. Her complexion always makes red lipstick such a great choice, because it plays up her eyes and the great color of her hair, but I'm glad she chose such a subtle red. Clutch? Check. Bracelets? Check. Fantastic neckline and cascading lines of shimmer? Check.

     I am very glad that Michelle Pfeiffer is stepping up her game. Hairspray and Stardust were both pretty good roles for her and I'm glad that she chose such a chic Versace dress for the event. The brown has a slight sheen that works so well with her complexion and, like, Christina Applegate, her hair is loose, casual, but definitely styled. The choice of peep toe pumps, no clutch, and only a watch for an accessory creates such a sleek and no-nonsense silhouette that it's hard not to notice her. The length of the dress is perfect, appropriate for the occasion, but not overly formal.

     I thought Javier Bardem looked particularly dashing in Prada. The tailoring on the suit is fitted, but not constricting. It's an utterly masculine look. I suppose that some of the fellows felt it was less formal of a night, because Javier Bardem doesn't look particularly out of people without neckwear. Although I think he might be showing just the slightest bit too much cuff, I still think it's a refined look that gents should look for as an example.

     I love you to death, Ellen Page, but who said you could wear this Zac Posen? The hair, color, and sleeves add so much age that it's hard to remember that she's only 20. This could have been much better styled if her hair were in loose waves and she hadn't chosen black shoes. The all-over black works much better with a less conservative cut. The neckline and sleeves in black make this more matronly than anything else. The fact that she's only 5' 1" doesn't help, either. A black sheath or even a cocktail dress would have played better to her age. As a younger actress, she can pull off a more revealing dress, so long as she keeps it black and her accessories and make-up subtle and neutral. I hope she just doesn't keep showing up looking like this.

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Excuse Me For a Second

     Now, I don't do this a lot, because I think I come through gay enough, as is. There's an obvious attempt to talk about some politics and art and music because I find that stuff interesting, too. But if fashion's available as a choice, 99% of the time I'm probably going to wind up talking about fashion. I don't know if that's a short-coming or a show of passion, but that's exactly what is it.

     And I specifically try to avoid talking about Project Runway. Those in the know (apologies to Tavi and Alison) know how much I yak yak yak about it. It's endless, needling, and completely inappropriate. It comes out of my supreme and deep-seated love for the show.

     But ladies, please pay attention. What we have here is the only denim dress I have ever endorsed. Please write this down on your calendars. It's absolutely fucking historic. Sweet P on the latest episode of Project Runway, "Even Designers Get the Blues", created the cutest, most elegant, and most strikingly modern denim dress I could have imagined. The color-blocking is just as striking as anything Vince or Missoni could make. I even have proof, bitches:

     Granted, these are very Fall-oriented looks, but the color block works just as well in Sweet P's dress. The lines are softer and the colors brighter, a perfect complement to the feeling and warmth that spring naturally implies. Also, the monochromatic choice of blues brings a level of sophistication that you wouldn't expect of a denim dress, which is why I love it. Then imagine seeing it close up? Think of the texture play there! It's darling and I can't get over it.

     Why do I say all this? Well, two reasons, really. I feel that I'm sometimes a bit less receptive to certain things (i.e. denim dresses) specifically because I don't have a wide enough perspective. But seeing this has really forced me to think outside my typical aesthetic box to embrace something that I had previously always disdained.

     But I'm more in it for the chance to bitch about how she got shafted while Ricky's well-made, but slutted-up tube dress got the win. Because you know it's true.

(Images sourced by Bravo and Neiman Marcus)

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Wherein I Declare War on Prom Dresses

  (From left to right: Helmut Lang Wrinkled Satin Dress, $207.50 on sale; McQ Alexander McQueen Jersey Baby Doll Harness Dress, $573.30 on sale; Diane von Furstenberg Tere Dress, $339.50 on sale)
     I fear for my optic never every time prom season rolls around. Inevitably you'll always wind up with folks running to Windsor for some god-awful dress covered head-to-toe in appliques with a bubble hem, in a baby doll silhouette. Prom dresses such as those are, by nature, terrible wastes of time, money, and fabric. What good is it to dress yourself in a gaudy, lip-glossed version of yourself.
     Of course, this gets to the very root of my problem with how many women dresses, that is by the fashion shown in the press and not by the style they inherently possess. Yes, Marc Jacobs showed surrealists shoes for spring. Does that mean you should wear one? I don't say "no" outright, because you should if you can. The lesson to be learned is that fashion should serve you, not the other way around. This is best illustrated in my own life. While I have noted the resurgence of distressed jeans on the runways, I will not be giving up my raw denim any time soon, by virtue of the fact that I look better in raw denim; it suits my body shape, my color taste, and my personal style far better than any distressed denim would. This, unfortunately, is often learned through trial and error. I'm looking at you, $200+ Slim Kims sitting in my closet.
     So how does this apply to prom? Why, how doesn't it? I find how most girls style their hair and do their make-up to be absolutely absurd. Have you looked at the hair that some of these girls get? I remember thinking how damned flammable (or inflammable) our proms were, just by taking a head count. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't get dolled up. Of course you should, it's a nice formal event. Go for it. Manicure, pedicure, new hair style, the works. But don't throw it up into a ridiculous mound on the top of your head that looks fit for nesting condors.
     What we need a whole paradigm shift when it comes to the prom mindset. This shouldn't be an occasion to look as absurd as possible. Instead, why not use it to display your personal style at its best? And don't try to tell me that this is your personal style. Go ahead, I'll give you a minute to click and be thoroughly appalled.
     ........     ................     .......................
     I know, right? Who would wear that, much less stand like it? (Feel free to drop any mentions of Victorya's dress from the Hershey challenege here.) Dresses like that are why I insist upon shopping for something you would actually wear when some horny teenage boy isn't trying to paw his way past your bra.

     We have excellent choices out there, ladies, and they run the gamut from something that will give your parents a heart attack to only slight hypertension. The Helmut Lang is a perfect example of a classic black dress given a chic, yet timeless, spin. The texture of the wrinkled satin and the length screams party dress, but the color and cut are modest enough for a school event. The McQ dress is a bit more daring, but no less appropriate. Jersey is a particularly forgiving fabric if you're going to spend the night dancing to poorly DJed music (I speak from personal experience, here), but the plastic harness gives the dress an interesting focus point as well as a contrasting shine and texture. Now, if you insist upon a bubble hem, then at least do a refined version of it, like the Diane von Furstenberg we've got above. Subtle banding gives the bodice a constructed silhouette that is a delicious complement to the skirt's shape and volume.
     I hope we've learned something here: prom doesn't need to be hideous, fashion doesn't need to be (too) expensive, and it's never too late to get rid of their rayon/polyester number that you somehow convinced yourself to get.

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves