Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Said Calmly, While the Light is Tinged Amber

     I am preparing to e-mail my resumé to Diablo and 7x7 magazine in an attempt to secure an internship. I am so fucking scared of not getting anything and winding up a crazy ass failure.

     The best way I can think to cope with this is to be objective. Listing worst and best-case scenarios allows for proper perspective. It's a matter of recognizing scale.

     Best case scenario? I get an internship. And then I also get a job. Then I work at BARE in my spare time. I would be happy with this.

     Worst case scenario? I don't get an internship. Yet. Or maybe not for a whole. But I can still get a job and work at BARE and have some qualified work on my resumé. I would also be happy with this.

     So it's not like this is going to end my universe. It's just the general type of panic that the application process creates. The fundamental nature of the undertaking is a submission of the self to another for judgment and, ultimately, validation. And that is unpleasant, yes, but not something that will crush me and my endless possible permutations forever. It is an event, another odd-shaped happening hurtling through space.

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