Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Glam Design Contest SMACKDOWN

     Oh yeah, bitches. It's time for round two. Glam hasn't invoked enough of my wrath (my love? my time?), so we've got an another set of would-be designers trying to shove their work down our throats. But you know what? It didn't leave half as bad a taste in my mouth as last time. And I've had plenty of rotten shit down my gullet, so that means a lot.

     Well, slap my ass and say I was born yesterday, but Janey's creation is a very interesting, very Proenza Schouler-esque dress. Except it's got a little more richness in color. The choker-like construction creates an interesting silhouette, considering the structure of the bodice. Janey certainly is bringing plenty of New York style to this contest. I'm not totally sold on that ribbing (pleating?) along the waist, but I'm actually rather pleased and would not mind seeing this win.

     At first, I was going to say that this was a pretty cute, laid-back dress ideal for spring and summer. The color blocking is refined and the palette itself is rather sophisticated. Brava, Kate, brava. You've created a—wait a minute. Using "patchwork quilting" you put together "silk charmeuse, organic cotton, and linen squares"? No, Kate, you did not create a tour de force, as I was about to say. But congratulations, you have managed to create Frankendress. A hideous amalgam of too many fabrics, too many (disjointed) textures, and embedded a stained-glass window in your model's abdomen. Also, I love the Louboutin's that look like torture devices. Your heels actually are torture devices.

     If Lau intended for this to be a yellow silk dress with a sheer double-layer over the top, then I'd be in love. If, however, she just forgot to simply erase the abdomen of the drawing underneath, then that's stupid. Fortunately, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's an interesting use of transparency and layers and I'm always a sucker for a yellow dress for spring. Also, love the contrasting colors along the bodice top and as straps.

     There's conceptual, and then there's Lejla's hot mess growing next to a freakishly large fruit. "Hay-colored silk"? Since when do I want a dress to be the same color as animal fodder? The collar would have been interesting had it's volume been played up against something more body-conscious. As it stands, I now have a strong urge to rip this off and cut off about six of the seven million yards of fabric Lejla wasted to make this sin against nature.

     Remember how we talked about not being stupid and drawing "inspiration from the Orient"? Well, not is so many words and in using offensive terminology. But you know what I mean. Well, Linda has dipped into the dark, double-edged magic of "ethnic inspiration". I applaud the thoughtful reinterpretation, with its smart color choices, excellent proportions, and the under-stated bow in front. I barf at the "train" and the pockets. Now, I object to the train because it's tacky, but I object to the pockets because I have a very dark dislike of them. I know you ladies love the functionality, but let's be honest here. Most of the time, pockets ruin the proportions and/or lines of a good dress. Yes, they don't destroy the outfit, but they are, ultimately unnecessary. I mean, aren't you carrying the James Jean Prada bag with you anyway? Why do you need pockets?

     Okay, I'm not usually a fan of "sporty" dresses, but I might have to make a partial exception. I mean, Melinda isn't completely off the hook here. The bib front? A completely contrivance. But the lined hood combined with the interesting hem and just enough sleeve to invoke activewear creates a very interesting look. The silhouette would also be pretty flattering to a lot of women, too. But please. The bib? You should have just gone for a button-up neck.

     Was there a memo I missed? Did Ferrero-Rocher become an acceptable raw material for a dress? Okay, fine Shana intended them to be roses. But since when are roses muddy brown? Also, please stop with the cuff. Stop trying to prove to me that your dress is "on trend". Instead, take away the eighties hair and earrings, shave off a bit of those roses, and then we'll talk.

     Okay, here's the good news, Stacey, your name isn't an irritating irregular spelling of a common name and your dress isn't a hackneyed attempt to invoke florals. Actually it's a rather interesting take on the magnolia's distinct coloring and petals. But I don't think it's a very successful wedding dress. It's a little too editorial for a wedding, if you know what I'm saying. Also, "hidden side zip"? Do you mean, "ill-fitting mess"? Be smart and just put a zip in the back so that it's easier to fit.

     All in all, not that bad, girls. I didn't wind up spending half the time trying to not regurgitate my Thai house noodles, which, by anyone's standards, represents a great improvement. Keep it up, ladies, my gag reflex thanks you.

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Angela said...

No sporty dresses.

Anonymous said...

yeah those were okay, but have you seen what's up right now?

Anonymous said...

oh wait, those are week one. i'm so not on top of it.